Bleh...

I've had a hard time getting through anything really good lately. Lavar and I have been using the elliptical and it is rather difficult to read anything that takes a good deal of concentration while bouncing up and down. Though it makes the half hour go much faster, it has also limited my reviews as I can't say I've finished anything memorable the last two weeks.

I'm still trudging through the Anne Lamott book, which is good and well written but not exactly something I stay up late at night finishing. Also, on my back burner is A Reliable Wife by Robert Goolrick, who also wrote the memoir The End of the World as We Know It. I was hot on this book until it got uncomfortable (in a good way), but now I can only do a chapter at a time. I promise to finish it this weekend.

I did get my mother hooked on the Sookie Stackhouse series recently by sending the first eight in the series to her home. I hope it rids her of her unfortunate Twilight obsession.. ek gods. Well, see how it goes. Maybe Harper Connelly next.

Wish I could feel better about sequels.

Ordinary World
By: Elisa Lorello

Genre: Casual Fiction, Slight Romance, Bargain Bin
Content: PG-13
Grade: B-
Sticking with the Author: As of now, she has written no other works of fiction

Coming off my bargain bin high after finding Faking It a few weeks ago, I would have to say I was slightly disappointed with the follow-up in Ordinary World. I was originally sad to let all the characters go and even missed them a little, which is unusual for me as I don't often get too attached. Now, part of me wishes I had left them where they were.

In Ms. Lorello's defense, her style and word choice was still excellent. I had many read out loud moments again in the sequel. I was truly impressed, yet again, with the language, the cadence and feel. But though her story arc in Faking It flailed somewhat and was definitely unbelievable at times, I felt Ms. Lorello had stayed true to real life in the end. Things are messy. In the end of Ordinary World, it was that the author tried too hard to give readers the ending most probably craved after the first novel.

I do give extra credit for the fact that her book opens and spends a lot of time defying the concept of happily ever after. Sometimes life just sucks and people die. Andi has been happily married to Sam for six years when the book opens and quickly loses him in a car crash. She loses her mind with grief, can no longer function and finds joy in nothing. Her happiness had been so wrapped up in Sam that it seems she is now empty. It's a scary concept that many of us can relate to, especially when you have the privilege of being married to your best friend. It would be hard believe that their end wouldn't be your end too.

I like that Andi is broken and she stays broken, though I did want to smack her often enough. Lorello does not give us a cure for what ails her. But as the time moves on, Andi tries to pick herself up. She goes to Italy on a vacation that was to be a surprise from Sam for the both of them. She is reunited with Devin (aka hot escort) from the last book, whose name is actually David (Devin was his hot escort name) in a bathroom in Rome.

Their romance rekindles, sort of. Even when they are alone, there is always three people in the room. Though Sam occupies very little page time alive, his presence is felt through the entire book. He is always there. The Andi she has become while being married to Sam feels like she is cheating on her husband when she is with David (the version of Devin that wants to be with her and is no longer inaccessible)- so she kinds of hedges her bets and tries to be friends with Devin instead. The use of the two names throughout the book is a not-so-subtle attempt to divide the character in half, to show the before and after of both their friendship and David/Devin's personality. Clever perhaps initially, but it gets to wear on the reader once it surpasses its usefulness.

David's understanding of Andi's situation was as impressive as it was unbelievable, and I had a difficult time believe it was he same man (not that six years can't change you).

The story was still above average and the writing was incredible. I am anxious to see if Ms. Lorello sticks with fiction. I'll be happy to pick up another title she pens.

Austen continued...

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
By: Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

Genre: Bookclub, The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!
Grade: A-
Rating: PG-13 (violence can be a bit explicit)
Sticking with the Author: Yes

My liberal block book club read Zombies this month, so this was a second reading for me. If possible, think I actually liked it even better the second time around. Smith's rewrite of the old favorite inserts legions of the undead into mix, which flows surprisingly well. Elizabeth Bennett is no longer just a somewhat poor, contrary gentlewoman, her intellect is now equaled with her ability to kill zombies.

Her father, who was completely undevoted to his daughters' education in the Austen version of the novel, is obsessed with having all of the girls trained in the deadly arts. It seems they have spent quite a lot of time under the tutelage of a Chinese master and are pretty much the only protection Longbourn has from the zombies. In another twist, it is relatively easy become a zombie (all it takes is a simple bite), though they appear to be easily thwarted as they often confuse cauliflower with the brains they like to eat.

The large death toll also has an interesting consequence of satirizing P&P on a much deeper level than purely plunking zombies down in 1813. The ridiculousness, depravity, and indifference of many of the minor characters and particularly Mrs. Bennett deepens and becomes more obvious. These characters find their comforts more important than the death that surrounds them or the even the need to protect themselves. The feelings of each character are more obvious, less hidden in Austen's sometimes burdensome prose.

Darcy retains his old charm from Austen's version, but also has the added bonus of also being the Regency period's version of Jackie Chan. His feelings for Elizabeth are also much more central to the story, less out of left field that they appear to be in the original. Smith does a fantastic job of combining Austen's best lines and adding his own, making the writing flow easily. Though the language feels more modern, it still retains Austen's charm.

Spoiler: I would have to say my absolutely favorite part was what happened with Mr. Wickham. Though having to live your life with Lydia was probably a rather harsh punishment to begin with, I always felt this need for vengeance that was never quite fulfilled in the original version. Here, Wickham not only has to marry Lydia, but is also maimed by Darcy and ends up convalescing in a home for disable pastors in Ireland. Highly entertaining. I did fell bad for poor Charlotte though, becoming a zombie and all. She always got the short end of the stick.

Extremely entertaining and well written. I look forward to Smith's continued projects with Austen's stories.

My dear Miss Woodhouse, you really are too kind

Emma
By Jane Austen

Genre: Classic, Historical Fiction, ChickLit, Bookclub
Grade: A-
Rating: PG
Stick with the Author: Without a doubt

I've always had a soft spot for Ms. Austen. She writes high class trash. The kind of stuff you don't have to be embarrassed about reading at Cup O'Joes, but can still enjoy in the same way you can Janet Evanovich or J.D. Robb. The only thing that really saddens me about Austen is how much Mark Twain (another big favorite of mine) hated her.

"Jane Austen? Why I go so far as to say that any library is a good library that does not contain a volume by Jane Austen. Even if it contains no other book." Twain in Remembered Yesterdays. Well, there is no accounting for taste, he also hated Presbyterians.

But you have to stick up for a woman who was really a radical for her time. She allowed us to know the voices of women, who would have otherwise never been known. She allowed those women to think that who they were mattered or could matter, that they had some consequence. I have no doubt of Twain's own streak of feminism and he was one hell of a radical himself, but he didn't give credit when it was due.

Since they have made this in a movie about a million times now, I suppose I don't have to go into the story. I mean, who hasn't seen Clueless? Spoiled, rich daughter likes to play matchmaker and basically wreaks havoc on her friend's lives. She tries to be a better person and ends up with Mr. Wonderful. The end.

Anyway, I feel like a traitor to my sex when it comes to Emma. I dislike her and continue to dislike her throughout the entire book. I can safely say of all of Ms. Austen's heroines, she is my least favorite and probably the most suspicious of character. Yes, I suppose she somewhat redeems herself in the end and I should give her some slack because she is young and naive. But she persists in being forever self involved, wretched and unlike most of the Austen main ladies, just plain dumb. I find her unworthy of her friendship with Mrs. Weston and the love of Mr. Knightly. She is, of course, not the most annoying or unlikeable character in the book. Everyone loves to hate Mr. and Mrs. Elton.

I also feel a bit disloyal to Mr. Darcy in that I think I like Mr. Knightly just a bit more. His manners are easy, though his non-contrary nature makes for a bit less suspense. I have read this book so often through my life and when I was younger, found his role somewhat condescending. I don't like the fact that Emma needs a man to make her a tolerable person. But in all fairness, he was sixteen years her elder, the only real single man of her station, and as a man had the liberty to know something more of life.

Not my favorite Austen. The prose is purposefully rambling which becomes burdensome and heavy, but as always her stories are intriguing and little glimpses inside a life we would never otherwise know. It's no Pride and Prejudice, but I wouldn't kick Mr. Knightly out of my bed for eating crackers either.

Oh $0.99 Kindle purchases, how I love thee....

Faking It
By Elisa Lorello

Genre: Casual Fiction, Slight Romance, Bargain Bin
Content: PG-13
Grade: B
Sticking with the Author: Yes

I had been attempting to find something amusing to read when spending a few hours in the car on the way to Cleveland. I happened upon Faking It for a buck on Amazon. I found that the language was more impressive than the story arc, which was often unbelievable. But, I was happily distracted and that's all I really ask for.

Elisa Lorello teaches academic writing at NC State. She had taught rhetoric and composition. Though at first it appeared that her heavy emphasis on language might upend a casual work of fiction, she managed to find a pleasing medium. It isn't often in a popcorn paperback that I stop to reread lines out loud simply because I like the way they sound, but I found my self doing that again and again in Faking It. My poor husband had to endure several rounds of "Listen to this" during commercial breaks during Monday Night Raw, so I don't think he particularly cared for Ms. Lorello. But her language hearkens strongly to much more accomplished writers and I cannot find fault in it.

Faking It is about a thirty something rhetoric professor (shocking, I know), Andi Cutrone, who has come back to NY heartbroken after spending several years teaching in New England. She gets settled in a non-tenured track position near her best friend and seems to be an intelligent, competent professional. What comes next is an absurd and awkward turn of events at a faculty event, which almost made me put the book down (ok, almost made me hit the menu button on Lavar) and back away slowly. But hey, I can suspend my disbelief with the best of them. It's kind of like when I quit opening my IRA statements last year and just pretended everything was all right.

So everyone is hanging out at a typical faculty happy hour and a one female professor comes in on the arm of a truly gorgeous man that happens to be an escort. Ok, I'm fine at this point. I'm sure these things happen. Perhaps not to me, but I'm in Ohio not New York and the closest thing we have to escort here are... well, just regular old prostitutes and that's only in the Short North or Victorian Village. But the weird turn here is that all of these lady rhetoric professors seem to be passing this escort (Devin) around like a blunt at a George Clinton concert. He's like having a really good gutter guy that you tell your friends about. You should really call Mike to clean your gutter, here's his card.

Oh and did I mention that Devin doesn't actually sleep (in the most Bill Clinton understanding of sexual intimacies) with any of these women but they max out there credit cards or take out second mortgages on their homes to pay for a night with him? Well, he is an art history major so you have to take that into account. Very a la the Wedding Date and you are saying to yourself right now... that's what she's reading? I'm slightly disappointed in her. Please be patient.

Now, our heroine who has been minding her own business grading papers and getting over her lost love. She finally decides that her inexperience in the ways of love requires her to make the acquaintance of our fine escort in the hopes of entering into an agreement. She's doesn't got the kind of cash Devin requires, so she want to bargain, to barter, to exchange goods. She'll teach him to write if she teaches her to well... not suck in the sack. Again, I'm sure this happens all the time. I'm going to ask my Jiffy Lube guy, Thomas, if I can write him his last will and testament in exchange for my next oil change (but I will insist he throw in a new cabin air filter, I'm not cheap). But Devin agrees to the arrangement over cheese cake and a written contract is drawn up and signed and is of course, ridiculously unenforceable... but again, I'm suspending disbelief.

But what comes next is actually a surprisingly candid reflection on the way relationships and experiences in childhood compound through the years and end up affecting people into adulthood in ways they never imagined- in work, love, sex, guilt. The painful pieces always stay with us and help to form our patterns and attachments. This book breaks down the preconceived notions that people have about one another and themselves through the self discovery of Devin and Andi. There relationship is alternatively uncomfortable and soulful. The discoveries feel real, though it took us an awful long time to get here hauling a rather large and burdensome literary device.

Andi begins to understand herself and finds Sam, another English professor, with whom she begins a long distance relationship. She then struggles with between the feelings she develops with Sam and the inevitable pull she feels for the gorgeous escort that is teaching her what most teenage girls figure out on their own in exchange for a community college creative writing class. It's a story as old as time really.

That being said, this is no Pretty Woman and people aren't wrapped up in pretty little packages. They stay broken and there are no happily ever afters....

All in all, definitely worth my time.